I realize that it has been almost a year since I've shared anything on my blog. Many times I have thought of writing something, of recording happenings, but I suppose other things have been the priority.
In my last post, I mentioned that I would be writing about the hardest thing we had ever been given to deal with since being married. A month after that post, we went through something almost as devastating. I won't write about those things in detail now, but briefly--a major health crisis for me, the discovery of an enormous adrenal cyst which I bled into, while pregnant with twins (Sept '13), the loss of our twins, Lucas and Charlotte Grace, at 21 weeks following the cyst removal surgery (Dec. 11, '13) and the loss of another child, Zion, due to my Incompetent Cervix, at 16 weeks (July 21, '14).
I still don't understand any of it. I don't understand the reason, the purpose, the lesson. I don't understand why the very thing I've always dreamed of, motherhood, was snatched away from me before I even got to experience it. I don't understand what I did or didn't do...or why Brandon had to face losing his children and fear losing me, his wife of only a year (at that time).
BUT! What I do KNOW--God is Sovereign, God is Good, God loves me and Brandon, God has a plan for us, God holds us in His hands, God has blessed us beyond what we could imagine, God is our Hope, God loves our babies more than we do and He holds them for us now until we get to in Eternity and I BELIEVE that when the time is right, He will bless us with a little one. But even if He doesn't, He has given us more than we deserve because we owe Him everything.
|Brandon, with our second son, Zion|
July 21, 2014
|Memorial display at Lucas and Charlotte's service|